You’ve done the responsible thing and created an estate plan. You’ve detailed your financial assets, real estate, and investments. But despite your best efforts, your plan has a major gap that could lead to tension, arguments, and even long-lasting family rifts. The one thing most estate plans miss? Tangible personal property—your sentimental and valuable possessions. And if you haven’t addressed this, you could be setting your loved ones up for a heartbreaking struggle.
Why Tangible Personal Property Matters More Than You Think
When we think about estate planning, it’s easy to focus on the big-ticket items—bank accounts, stocks, homes. But what about your grandmother’s jewelry, antique furniture, or the collection of family photos? These sentimental items are often left out of formal estate planning documents. And while they may not hold significant monetary value, they can carry profound emotional importance for your family members.
The problem? Without a clear plan, these items are left up for grabs—creating the perfect recipe for family conflict.
How It Could Tear Your Family Apart
Imagine this scenario: you’ve passed away, and your children are sorting through your belongings. There’s no clear indication of who should inherit your mother’s engagement ring or your grandfather’s war medals. While your estate plan outlines the division of financial assets, it says nothing about these meaningful possessions. Now, your loved ones are left to figure it out themselves.
What happens next? Arguments ensue. One child claims they were promised the ring in an old conversation. Another insists that the medals were meant for them. Emotions run high; before you know it, siblings who were once close barely speak.
It might sound dramatic, but this situation plays out more often than you’d think. Family disputes over sentimental items are one of the leading causes of estate conflicts.
The Mistake You Might Be Making Right Now
Most people assume that financial assets are what their family will fight over, but in reality, the personal items cause the most tension. Why? Because they represent memories, emotions, and family history. They’re irreplaceable. No amount of money can take the place of your mother’s wedding ring or the dining table where your family gathered for the holidays.
The mistake many people make is not putting these items in writing. You might have verbally promised your daughter your heirloom necklace, but without a written document, your family could be left guessing—or worse, fighting—over your intentions.
The Simple Solution: A Personal Property Memorandum
Here’s the good news: preventing this kind of conflict is easier than you think. The key is to create a Personal Property Memorandum (PPM)—a legally binding document in many states that lists your personal property and assigns it to specific recipients.
By clearly stating who should receive your sentimental items, you remove the guesswork and avoid disputes. A PPM is usually separate from your will, but it works in conjunction with it to ensure that all your possessions—both financial and personal—are accounted for.
Why Most Estate Plans Don’t Include This
Despite its importance, the personal property memorandum is often overlooked. Estate planning tends to focus on the “big stuff,” while leaving the small—but meaningful—items as afterthoughts. Many people aren’t even aware that a PPM exists or that it can be legally binding in many states.
In some cases, starting the conversation can be uncomfortable. No one likes to think about family members disagreeing after their passing, and discussing who gets what can feel awkward. However, avoiding the subject only makes conflicts more likely to arise.
How to Include Your Tangible Property in Your Estate Plan
The first step in avoiding family conflict is to start documenting your personal property. SaveOr, a platform designed to help families inventory their belongings for estate planning, makes this process simple. Here’s how you can start:
1. Take Inventory:
Begin by going from room to room and listing all of the items that matter to you. Include sentimental heirlooms, valuable collectibles, and any other possessions you want to ensure are passed down.
2. Tell the Story Behind Each Item:
Family members may not understand why certain items matter if they don’t know the history behind them. In SaveOr, you can write the story behind each possession—why it’s important, where it came from, and why you want it to go to a specific person.
3. Assign Recipients:
Clearly designate who should receive each item. This eliminates confusion and ensures your loved ones know exactly what you want.
4. Get Legal Help:
Once you’ve documented your property, work with an estate attorney to ensure your personal property memorandum is included in your estate plan and legally binding where you live.
Real-Life Example: A Family Kept Together Through Transparent Planning
Let’s look at a real-life example: a family who used SaveOr to inventory their mother’s estate before she passed away. The mother, who had a large collection of antiques and heirlooms, knew that without clear instructions, her children might struggle to divide the items fairly.
She documented every significant item, from her china sets to the family Bible, and recorded the stories behind them. Each child was able to express interest in the items they wanted, and the mother made decisions based on these preferences. When she passed, there was no confusion or resentment—everything had been laid out in advance, and the process went smoothly.
This family avoided what could have been a painful situation simply by being proactive about planning. They used technology to their advantage, ensuring transparency and fairness for everyone involved.
Don’t Let Your Family Fall Apart Over “Stuff”
Estate planning is about more than just money. If you don’t take the time to plan for the distribution of your personal property, you’re leaving your loved ones at risk of unnecessary conflict. Adding a Personal Property Memorandum to your estate plan protects your family from disputes and ensures your possessions go to the people who will cherish them most.
Don’t wait until it’s too late—start planning today. Whether it’s through SaveOr or another method, addressing your personal belongings could be the difference between keeping your family together or letting conflict drive a wedge between siblings.
---
Author:
Matthew Scola
Founder of SaveOr, an estate planning platform focused on helping families through challenging life events. His insights come from interviewing and working with families and professionals to find a solution to the challenges of downsizing, estates, and estate management.